Talking Teenagers by Boushéy Ann;

Author:Boushéy, Ann; [Boushéy Ann]
Language: eng
Format: epub
Publisher: Jessica Kingsley Publishers

chicken nugget #12

“Get off my back! Please!”—understanding rudeness

Is my son’s rudeness/curtness due to autism or due to being a teenager?

On the way to school this morning I realize every word out of my son’s mouth since the moment he has gotten out of bed has been laced in rudeness. “Whatever!” “Yessss.” “Don’t talk to me.” “Shhhhh…” I get fed up and point this out to him ending with the admonishment, “So, lose the attitude, okay?”

“Yes, yes.” He says in a less surly voice.

After I drop him at the front door, asking him to please be polite to people today, the above question circles through my head and I decide I probably need to discuss it. Because if this rudeness he carries with him is part of autism, then I’m once again expecting something from him that he may be incapable of doing. (Goodness knows, it wouldn’t be the first time.) But if this rudeness is due to teenage attitude, I can reprimand him for it and work really hard at changing it.

I think back through the last ten years or so, Jon is now 16, and try to think when this attitude started. Was my son always rude to others?—Rude, no. Curt, yes. To the point? Always.

One day when he was in about third grade I remember picking him up from school as I was just returning from the beauty shop. He got in, we talked about school that day (which of course is like pulling teeth), and I said, “Jon, look at me. I got my hair done. Do you like it?” I wasn’t fishing for a compliment, I was trying to make eye contact with him, and since I had gone from straight hair to curly perm, I wanted him to notice the change. He looked at me for the first time since getting in the car and, reaching over, plastered both hands on the sides of my head. “No!” He yelled. “Fix it! Put it back.”

I laughed at this reaction. “You don’t like it?”

He kept trying to smooth out the curls. “NO!”

Okay. So much for hairstyles, I thought.

At another time I remember him telling my mom, right after my dad died, “Grandmom, you look sick! Are you dying too?” She had lost 15 pounds after my dad’s death. She tried to laugh it off, although I noticed it was more difficult for her. At that time, I explained to Jon that he has to be careful and not always say what he is thinking.

“Why?” He wanted to know.

“Well, because you may hurt someone’s feelings. Or they may think you are being rude or hateful.” He nodded his head.

Fast forward to sixth grade. His teacher sends a note home that Jon has been rude to her and the other teacher that day. Telling them when they try to help him, “Go away! I got it! I got it!” She says they are working with him on speaking to others in a polite manner. Once again, when he gets home I remind him that he has to say things differently.

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